


Buried Truths

by madamecrimson



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Quarantine, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:56:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamecrimson/pseuds/madamecrimson
Summary: Shane has noticed that Ryan and Steven have been getting closer. Ryan's not sure why that matters. Shane's not sure why that matters.All they know is that itdoesmatter.A whole fucking lot.Spoilers for the most recent episodes of HWYD, SDD&D, and Watcher Weekly. Gratuitous references to the song "Mamma Mia" and songs by the band "Fruit Bats."
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61





	1. I've Been Angry and Sad About The Things That You Do

**Author's Note:**

> _Way too much to buckle under  
>  You can almost smell the stolen thunder_.

"'Cuddly'? That's seriously the adjective you would go with to describe Steven?" Shane asked Ryan incredulously when they finish filming Watcher Weekly and Steven's left the call. 

Ryan shrugged with a smile. "Yeah, why not?"

Shane furrowed his brow. "Won't that taint your carefully crafted frat bro image?" 

"I don't have a frat bro image!" Ryan defended. 

"You were in a frat, you play basketball, you--" Shane threw back. 

"Just because I _was_ in a frat, and just because I play basketball, that doesn't make me a frat bro. Besides, I was only in a frat my senior year!" Ryan interrupted defensively. 

"And what about SDD&D?" Shane went on. "You're seriously okay with the fact that Steven's character is unabashedly hitting on your character?" 

"Hate to break it to you Shane, but maybe _you're_ the one with the frat bro image," Ryan teased with a smirk. 

But Shane wasn't smiling back. Ryan looked at him confusedly. 

"You were never okay with...with hugging people or flirty comments before," Shane accused. "But ever since you've started working with Steven, suddenly that's your normal setting." 

"Okay, first of all _we're_ working with Steven, and second of all, you've got no fucking room to talk," Ryan spat. 

Shane opened his mouth to speak, but Ryan continued before Shane could say anything. 

"Where the fuck were you when Helen and I broke up?" Ryan practically yelled, stunning Shane into silence. "We dated for over six fucking years! That's longer than I've even known you Shane. I cried about it. For weeks. My pillow case got too wet to sleep on. I had to go out and buy fucking...eye drops when I didn't have any tears left! I stopped working out, I put on weight, I slept more than I ever have in my entire goddamn life, and I ended up binge watching some crappy reality show and playing the guitar to cope." 

Shane dropped his gaze guiltily. 

"So I thought to myself, oh yeah, who should I call in a situation like this? Who can I talk to that'll make me feel better? Can't be Shane Madej, my best friend, the most important person in my life. He'd just do what he always does; act like an emotionless robot and wax philosophical about how none of it really matters in the end because we'll all be six feet under," Ryan went on. "You know who the fuck was there? Steven goddamn Lim. He *listened* to the shitty songs I wrote, he stayed on the phone with me while I cried my fucking eyes out, he--" 

Ryan paused, swallowing thickly. 

"He even talked me off the ledge a time or two," Ryan admitted, his tone growing softer. "Even pulling me back from the abyss once. After that, he kept my katana at his place for awhile. It was um...too tempting."

Shane looked up at him then, his eyes wide and jaw dropped with shock. 

Ryan shook his head. "I don't know even know why it matters." 

Ryan's eyes rose to meet Shane's, his gaze cold and his voice toneless. "But don't fucking pretend like you care all of a sudden, just because you're bored out of your giant head and wanna play therapist for awhile to show off how fucking smart you are." 

With that, Ryan ended the call, and shut down his computer.


	2. There's a Fire Within My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Always cautious around the corners  
>  Always feeling like a foreigner_

Shane blinked blankly at his computer screen, still reeling from what Ryan had said, at the tone he'd used. He slouched back against his computer chair, pressing an index finger to his temple and staring up at the ceiling. Guilt crawled through him like a thick molasses, leaving him feeling worn and drained. The reason he hadn't been there more for Ryan when Ryan and Helen broke up wasn't out of some sort of aloof personality trait. 

It was because he was fucking terrified. 

He'd wanted to comfort Ryan immensely, could see the sadness in his distant gaze in the middle of a work day, the wetness that lined his eyes threatening to fall as Ryan returned home to an empty bed. There were a few times that Ryan had asked Shane to come over then, just to chill for a bit. But Shane knew that if he were to see Ryan falling apart in front of him like that, knowing that Ryan would put the blame on himself...Shane was afraid he wouldn't be able to reassure Ryan just how wonderful he was without revealing his own secrets about how Shane felt about him. Shane had wanted to keep their friendship in tact, knowing they were each the best friend the other had ever had. Shane had wanted to avoid being selfish, and now his heart sunk with the realization that he may have done the very opposite. 

Truth be told, that's why there were so many times he was jealous of Steven; Steven who probably didn't feel this way for Ryan, who could give his care and affection freely. And Ryan who would readily lean into that, needing the comfort that Shane couldn't give him. Or refused to out of fear. 

Shane sighed heavily. He knew he needed to...mend things somehow. Anything to avoid losing Ryan for good. He poised his fingers above his keyboard, his eyes roving up to Steven's username. Steven was still online. Shane was loathe to message him. Not only because he felt like Steven had been a better friend to Ryan than he had, but also because his jealousy had prevented him from being a friend to Steven in the first place. After another moment of hesitation, Shane typed out a message. 

"Hey, you free for a bit?" 

Shane could feel the uneasiness burn in his chest as he saw the three little dots of Steven's in progress response appear. 

"Yeah sure. But Ryan's offline." 

Shane sighed. He knew that was just Steven trying to be professionally inclusive. A considerate nature that Shane appreciated, and also a distance Shane knew was his own creation. 

"I know," he typed back. 

Steven took a bit longer to respond that time and Shane couldn't blame him for it. "Video or text?" Steven typed back. 

"Video," Shane replied, his finger hovering over the "enter" key before he sent the message. 

Just a few moments later, Shane heard the familiar call sound.


End file.
